Let Me In
by GollyLikeWoah
Summary: Something traumatic happens that shakes Gail and Holly to their core.
1. Chapter 1

**A one-shot. **

**TRIGGER WARNING**

**Mention of rape but no detail, I don't think I could ever write details for something like that. **

**Please just be aware before you decide to read.**

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As she stood outside the ensuite door she could hear Gail crying and whimpering she wanted to go in there and hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay that she was safe now but Gail wouldn't let anyone touch her, she hadn't recovered from the incident that happened nearly 3 months ago, it had traumatised both of them, but Gail was the one suffering because it _happened _to her, Holly had to witness it.

_Holly had to watch while he tied up her fiancée and pulled her jeans and underwear down her legs, Holly knew what was going to happen, she was screaming for him to let her go, but he just turned around and slapped her across the face, Holly just whimpered, tears streaming down her face as she made eye-contact with Gail who was staring at her as her own tears ran down her cheeks, she said two words to Holly "it's okay" and that's when he raped her, Gail was screaming in pain, begging for him to stop but he didn't he kept going until he was satisfied and then he hit Gail across the head with his gun before turning to Holly who was sat frozen in the chair, the second man that had forced Holly to watch had turned to her and said "your turn now" but before he had the chance Chris and Andy had burst into warehouse where they'd been taken to, their guns in firing position, _

"_POLICE!" the men tried to make a run for it but bullets are faster than legs and they were shot dead, Holly fell out of the chair and covered Gail up she knew she wouldn't want to be exposed like this, _

"_Holly..-" Chris put his hand on her shoulder, she was cradling Gail in her arms sobbing, the blonde was still unconscious, "-Holly the ambulance is here" he tried to help her up but she screamed at him, _

"_DON'T TOUCH ME" Chris didn't know what to do and that's when Traci arrived on scene, Gail was smart and fast thinking she had dialled Chris and they had traced her phone as the van made it's way to the warehouse, _

"_Holly, Holly listen to me, she needs to go to hospital, so do you, you can go with her, Holly you're both safe now". _

Holly felt hot tears sliding down her face, Gail hadn't let Holly touch her, she was cold, she wouldn't cuddle like she used to she hadn't kissed Holly since the heated argument, she had become numb to everything and everyone, she hadn't been cleared for work yet, she spent most her time in the gym, that's another thing Holly had noticed, Gail had lost a lot of weight, she was never fat in the first place, she was toned and lean but now she was just skin and bones, she was snapped out of her thoughts by Gail's voice,

"Holly-" it was so quiet Holly thought she was hearing things until she heard it again "-Holly-" Holly slowly entered the bathroom, Gail was slumped in the shower her knees brought up to her chest and her arms were wrapped tightly around them, "-Holly I need you to touch me" Holly slowly slipped off her clothes and sat behind Gail before she could do anything Gail turned around and sat in Holly's lap, Holly gasped, it had been months since she had felt this woman, the woman she loved, Gail wrapped her legs around Holly and Holly wrapped her arms around Gail, just holding her, they sat there for awhile, the water warm cascading over them,

"Holly I'm sorry" Holly cupped Gail's cheek and kissed her slowly,

"don't ever apologise for this Gail, ever"

"but i've been so cold to you I-"

"-No, Gail, no, it's your way of dealing with what happened, I knew you would come back to me baby, it hurt me to see you in so much pain and you wouldn't let me in, I want you to let me in Gail I _need _you to let me in" Holly kissed her forehead,

"I want it to stop-" she sobbed "- I want it to go away, I want to forget what happened, I don't want to be here anymore, I'm broken" she was crying hard,

"Gail baby, look at me-" she tilted Gail's head "- I want you to be here, I want you to be here if not for yourself then for me, I love you Gail, I love you and what happened to you does not define who you are, I know you're hurting, I know you're in pain, but you are not broken Gail, you've been pushed to the ground and now you're picking yourself up and I'm going to help you, heck I'll even throw you over my shoulder if it'll help, you're stronger than anyone I've ever known Gail Peck",

"I just feel numb, like something was switched off, I feel like i'm just existing, I'm not living I'm existing and I can't I can't do anything, I couldn't do anything" she was overwhelmed by sobs again, Holly just held her tightly she kissed Gail's temple

"I love you Gail"

"I love you too" she whispered back, tears still flowing.

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**Let me know if you want me to write a few chapters showing how Gail starts letting Holly in.**

**Thank you for reading.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow I'm surprised at the response this has received. The demand was high for me to continue so that's what i'm going to do. I'm going to make it clear now, this is going to be about recovery, Gail and Holly will not be attacked in the same context again, I hated doing this to my all time favorite couple and just favorite people in general if i'm honest! But I wanted to give you all something different to read.**

**Alexandra Udinov: Thank you :-) I want Gail to open up to Holly again, so you'll see them fighting to get through the trauma and by doing this they grow closer and closer together.**

**Gordys: Thank you and you're welcome!**

**Guest: I agree completely, things can only go up from here, but it will indeed be tough!**

**Guest: I made it clear what this was about so you knew before you read it, of course it's a horrific thing to happen to anyone, but this story is only fiction, the event involving Gail and Holly is only fiction. I'm just trying different scenarios to create something, I did give a warning. But thank you for sharing!**

**Eric: They're my favorite too! Gah i'm Officer Lunchbox all the way! I just wish they had more of a storyline and way more screen time on the actual show!**

**Thank you ALL for your reviews, I do read them all and I love connecting with you guys and hearing what you think means everything to me!**

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**Chapter 2**

"We should probably get out of the shower soon" Gail said quietly,

"we can stay for as long as you need too, there's no rush" Holly responded softly, as she kissed the top of Gail's head, Gail held on tighter, after a few moments, she spoke,

"I pushed you away because I felt ashamed, I thought you wouldn't look at me in the same way again or you wouldn't touch me the way you used to, I was so afraid-" she started sobbing, "- I can't shake this feeling of numbness, it's scary how I just can't feel anymore, how closed off and cold I've become to everything I just-" she stopped speaking as a fresh wave of sadness cascaded over her,

"Gail-" Holly said sternly, "look at me-" Gail reluctantly looked at her "-I love you more and more everyday, I hated hearing you crying and not being able to hold you, not being able to whisper soothing words into your ear, you just wouldn't turn to me when you needed me the most, but I understand that's your coping mechanism, you push people away, but the thing with me is that I will always be here for you, I will let you know that i'm here if you need me, always, I love you, I love all of you" she kissed Gail softly,

"I'm sorry for pushing you away, I love you too" they stayed cuddled up in the shower for awhile before they got out and headed to bed. For the first time in months Holly got to pull Gail close and just hold her, the simplicity of just being close together, they're bodies touching, to feel Gail in her arms just felt so right, it felt _natural_.

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"Gail, baby wake up-" Holly shook her gently, Gail was thrashing violently in her sleep, "GAIL" she yelled, Gail shot up, her oversized t-shirt was soaked in sweat,

"Holly-" she looked wide eyed at her, "-Holly he was there again he, I saw, I _felt, _oh god-" Holly took Gail into her arms,

"you're okay Gail, you're safe" Holly held her while Gail's body was overcome with sobs that vibrated through her,

"sorry" she said quietly after her she managed to calm down enough to form words,

"shh don't apologise, never apologise for this, I've got you Gail, _i__'__ve got you__" _she felt Gail nod and then she felt Gail's lips on her neck, "Gail.." she felt herself being pushed back down onto the mattress, and Gail continued the assault on her neck, kissing and sucking, Holly moaned, she guided Gail's face up so she could kiss her passionately, they continued kissing, both moaning and breathing heavy, reluctantly they both pulled away,

"I've missed that" Holly said softly,

"me too" Gail responded. Holly soon heard Gail's breaths become slower and even, she wrapped her arms around her and held her close to her chest, she would never let go.

"Gail? Sweetie wake up" Holly cooed, Gail just mumbled something that sounded a lot like _'__leave me, cheese-puff, but gun__' _Holly held in her laughter, Gail was just being too cute,

"Oh Gaaaaaaail" she said a little louder this, Gail jumped out of bed,

"wha…what?" she said sleepily rubbing her eyes, Holly just burst out laughing while Gail stood there glaring at her as best as she could with her sleepy eyes,

"I hate you" she said as she pouted,

"I love you too" Holly chuckled, she walked over and kissed her on the nose and pulled her into a tight hug, her arms wrapped around her waist, Gail responded immediately by wrapping her arms around Holly's neck,

"morning honey",

"morning nerd" she kissed Holly softly,

"how are you feeling this morning?" Holly asked, knowing what Gail had said to her in the shower yesterday and her nightmare early this morning, Holly was worried, Holly had been worried sick for months,

"I'm feeling okay, a little rough but okay" Gail responded honestly, Holly nodded,

"are you seeing your therapist today?"  
"yep, at 3" she responded shortly, Gail didn't tell Holly that she was feeling overwhelmed and that she still blamed herself for what happened, she didn't tell her that her appetite was still nonexistent and that she felt like curling up in bed and never leaving this safe cocoon that they had created,

"Gail?-" Gail looked at Holly dazed "-are you sure you're okay? You kind of zoned out on me there" Gail gulped and nodded,

"yeah yep fine" Holly didn't believe her but she knew better than to push her,

"okay come on down, breakfast is ready" she kissed her one last time before heading downstairs, Gail sighed, another day to fight through, another day of pretending and lying to the one she loved the most.

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"So Gail what brings you here?" Dr Nul, Gail's therapist asked her,

"read the file what do you think brings me here?" Gail snapped back, he gave a sympathetic smile,

"how do you feel?", Gail rolled her eyes,

"how do _you think _I feel?!" she snapped again,

"I'm asking _you _how do _you _feel?" Gail closed her eyes and took a deep breath she needed to do this not only for herself but for Holly,

"I feel like nothing, I feel disgusted, I feel hopeless, I feel like I would rather be dead than face the horrors of those moments over and over again every-night" Gail said quietly,

"and is that what's happening? You feel like you're reliving the horrors over and over?" he asked softly,

"I-" she paused "-yes, I want to forget but he appears in my dreams too, I have nightmares about that day-" she could feel the fear rising inside her, her chest tightened, "-I JUST WANT IT ALL TO STOP, I WANT TO BE OKAY I WANT TO BE OKAY I WANT TO BE OKAY" Gail was screaming. Dr Nul ran out and quickly told Holly to come in,

"baby-" Holly crouched down and placed her hands on Gail's knees,

"I want to be okay I want it to stop I want to be okay I want it to stop" Gail was chanting to herself, her voice just above a whisper,

"Gail honey" Gail stopped and looked at Holly, tears in her eyes,

"oh..oh.. crap-" she placed her hand in front of her mouth, "-I..I'm sorry I'M SORRY HOLLY I'M SORRY" she started crying uncontrollably, Holly stood up and gathering her in her arms, holding her close to her chest in hope that the steady rhythm of her heart would calm her down, and it did after a while, the sobbing stopped but she was still shaking,

"can we…can we go home now?" Gail asked quietly her voice cracking,

"of course we can"

"I'm…I'm just going to use the bathroom" Gail made a quick exit,

"how long has she been like this?" Dr Nul asked Holly,

"this is the first time i've seen her like this" she said quietly, still in shock from what she had just seen,

"you may not understand this, but this is good, she's getting it out of her system, by expressing herself i'm finding out what exactly is causing her pain and fear, and I can help, she will recover Miss Stewart, it's just going to take time" he said sincerely,

"I know she wants to recover, she's letting me in again, it took her months to do it but I can finally hold her and comfort her and help her in anyway I can" _'__damn what is it with these therapists that make you spill your thoughts and feelings to them__' _Holly thought to herself once she finished speaking,

"that's good, she has someone she feels she can trust and I can clearly see you both love each other, one step at a time, she's strong I can see that and she will make it through this, I just need you to keep an eye on her, make sure she doesn't try and-"

"-kill herself" Holly interrupted swallowing the lump in her throat,

"I wouldn't put it quite like that but yes, suicide rates are high for sexual assault victims, it's hard for them to move on from the trauma, I don't think Gail would resort to that but just to be on the safe side" he said placing his hand on Holly's shoulder,

"of course, she means everything to me, I can't lose her", Holly said blinking back tears,

"you won't, she has a great support system from what i've read, that's the main thing, she just needs support and patience", Holly nodded, and saw Gail walk back through the door, her eyes were red and the bags under her eyes were heavy,

"ready to go?" Holly said quietly, Gail nodded, and they both left hand in hand.

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"I want it to stop" Gail said quietly once they entered their apartment,

"I know baby, I know you do, I wish I could take away all your pain" Holly said softly as she pulled Gail into an embrace,

"he's dead and he's still hurting me, I know he's dead, I know he is, I hate them for what they did to us, I hate _him _for what he did-" she paused and took a deep breath, Holly rubbed soothing circles into her back "-in my dreams he keeps hurting me, I can't do anything, I'm paralysed, I can't move, I can feel all the pain while he-" she couldn't say anymore, she felt tears run down her cheeks and her legs became weak, Holly gently lowered them to the floor and held Gail in her arms, she kissed the top of her head,

"you're safe, he can't hurt you,you will get through this because you're strong, so strong , I will always be here for you, always, nothing will ever change that" she rocked Gail gently in her arms, Gail's whimpers echoed around the room.

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Later in the evening after they had changed into sweatpants and hoodies, they were cuddled up on the couch, Gail was playing Zombies while Holly was running her fingers through Gail's short blonde hair, they heard a knock at the door,

"I'll get it" Holly said as she slowly removed herself from behind Gail, she checked the peep hole and saw Traci standing there,

"hey Traci" she gave her a quick hug and motioned for her to come in,

"hey Holly" she replied softly, she walked into the lounge and saw Gail cuddled up in a blanket shooting at zombies on the tv,

"hey Gail" Gail quickly looked up and smiled, for the first time in months her smile was genuine,

"hey Traci! I didn't know you were coming round today-" she said as she shot yet another zombie,

"-oh yeah die zombitch!" Holly shook her head chuckling to herself,

"well I heard you had a rough day" Gail tensed a little but relaxed instantly as she felt Traci sit next to her,

"yeah but it's-" she paused "-it's been rough but I'm okay, just tired" she said honestly as she shot a zombie in the head,

"I know-" she paused deciding whether or not she should say what she was about to, she was worried Gail would shut down, she took a deep breath "- if you ever want to talk Gail, i'm here, you know that" Gail nodded, her eyes still focused on the screen,

"thank you Trace it means a lot to me, I trust you and Holly with my life, I feel better now that I'm talking about how I feel, it's just the nightmares are fucking me up, I keep relivi-" Gail jumped up from the couch "-oh hell no! Back off you little shit, I'm on round 25 I am not going down without a fight! Come at me! Come at me!-" Holly was in fits of laughter and Traci was same, "-I think if I can get the nightmares to stop, moving on will be a little easier, then I can carry on with my life, I can rebuild myself, I can heal" she said quietly, her eyes still focusing on the screen, before she knew it Holly had pulled her into a crushing hug,

"Holly i'm going to lose, Hol no, they're about to eat my face, seriously!" Gail squealed as she fell backwards onto the couch Holly landed on top of her and Traci was just doubled over with laughter , Holly's arms remained wrapped around Gail,

"I love you" Holly whispered,

"I love you too",

"guys stop being so in love ugh-" Traci added, both Gail and Holly swatted her in the arm "-hey I was just saying!", Holly jumped up and Traci gave Gail a quick hug, and a kiss on the side of her head,

"PIZZA TIME" Gail yelled, both Holly and Traci looked at each other and shook their heads, both chuckling lightly.

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**I found this really difficult to write but I hope what I produced is okay. Gail will recover, both of them will I promise, what i'll write after that I don't know, only time will tell!**

**Feel free to leave a review, I love reading them!**

**Thank you for reading.**


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